Final letter being presented to legislators today

Friends, I wanted to first thank those of you who helped me edit and revise my letter.  I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it.  Being so close to the situation my heart was on my sleeve and I couldn't see past my thoughts in order to edit this and make it what it could be.  So, thank you.  Here is the final copy of what is being sent to TX legislators today.

My name is Melissa Foulke and I am writing to request support for my son through Medicaid.  My husband, Jake, and I have five little boys ages six, five, two, and one-year-old twins.  In August our family relocated from the Washington, DC area to Texas.  We moved to Texas to support my husband in his career at Rackspace.  He has worked for Rackspace for 9 and a half years in the Northern Virginia area.  In order for him to continue to grow and advance in his career we moved to San Antonio so he could work at the Rackspace Headquarters. 

During the last six years our family has been through an inordinate number of trials.  In this time we have welcomed five children into our lives, but have also endured the difficulties of having three premature babies and NICU stays, seven surgical procedures on our children, three rounds of botox injections in our son's legs to help him walk better, and a miscarriage.  I have had four surgeries myself and have fought cancer while being pregnant with our twins.  During this time my husband has not only maintained his job but has managed to earn awards and receive raises and promotions.  

Today I am writing to you about our beautiful little boy Justin.  Justin was born at just 29 weeks gestation.  Doctors do not know why he came early, but he did.  Justin spent the first 47 days of his life in the NICU.  When he was only a few weeks old I was told that he had a brain bleed.  The doctors would do weekly tests to follow the brain bleed.  Only a few days later I sat down with a doctor who told me that Justin had PVL (Periventricular Leukomalacia). This brain bleed led to his diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy.  I was told that the damage was severe and went all the way from the front of his brain to the back.  I was told that he should walk and talk but they did not know when.  I was told that they were very concerned about his cognitive abilities.  At 8 months old Justin was diagnosed with CVI (Cortical Visual Impairment). At age 2 Justin was diagnosed with Osteopenia (brittle bones).

Today Justin is five years old.  He cannot sit up, stand, or walk unassisted.  He cannot change his clothes, brush his teeth, or bathe himself.  Justin is, however, one of the funniest little boys I know.  He loves music.  In fact, he wakes up singing praise and worship songs every single morning.  His favorite song is Amazing Grace.  Justin is smart, as well as a smart alec.  He is clever, kind to his brothers, and thoughtful.  His smile can make the worst day all better.  Justin is a gift from God.  His nickname is JT.  My husband wanted his middle name to be Tyme—Justin Tyme because he was born and lives in God's perfect timing.

  

JT uses several pieces of equipment daily.  He uses a special chair to eat and a special chair to sit and play.  He uses a special needs stroller to ride the bus and get around at school.  We leave his motorized wheel chair at school during the week so he could learn how to operate it safely.  He has a special bath chair and toilet seat.  JT attends four private therapy sessions a week and has receives a number of therapy and services at school, such as physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and vision assistance.  Justin's teacher said that he is a very smart boy who can learn things quickly but that his CVI is causing learning delays.  We are hopeful that he will begin to learn braille in the near future to accelerate his learning.

  

When I first applied for Medicaid in Texas, Justin was denied.  I applied under the section "person 65 or older OR person with a disability."  The denial letter we received stated he was denied because I did not include the correct documentation, although the letter did not clearly say what documentation was missing.  I went to the Medicaid office and applied again, submitting additional documentation I was told would help.  I later received a phone call telling me that he would be denied again—they said that since he was not in a nursing home he was not eligible.  About a week later I received another phone call, telling me to call another office to see if he would be eligible for a waiver.  When I called the Department of Aging and Disability Services office to request a waiver I was heartbroken when told there was a six-year wait list for Medicaid and the only way to bypass the wait list was to put my child—my five-year-old, cognitively-aware son who cannot move without assistance—in a nursing home for no less than 30 days.  I was and continue to be appalled and disgusted by this.  In order for JT to receive what he needs for a functional life during the next six years we are expected to place him in a nursing home for an extended length of time.  We cannot subject him to that experience.  

So here we are, in a new state without the support of our family, friends and medicaid unable to pay for therapy and equipment.  In January, when our deductibles reset we will have to decrease the frequency of his therapy sessions since we will not be able to afford the cost.  We have no hope for JT to get a new stroller until he is 11 years old and makes his way to the top of the 6 year Medicaid waiting list.  He has had his current stroller since he was two years old and we have adjusted it to its limits.  He is clearly outgrowing it.  Virginia Medicaid paid for this wonderful, supportive, assistive stroller and we do not have the ability to pay for his next stroller.  Last year alone our family accrued one million dollars in medical bills, most of which was covered by our health insurance.  However, the remaining cost was still a financial burden for our family.  Although we have great insurance, it  will not contribute to the cost of our son's equipment since they consider it to be durable medical equipment, which in their view means he does not need it because it is not life-saving.  This is why we need Medicaid—not only to help with medical bills but even more to provide our son with the equipment he needs to have an enjoyable and full life.  When Justin had Medicaid when living in Virginia, we were able to provide him with services and equipment he needed without delay or question.  Here in Texas, we will continue to have expenses most families do not.  We need help with those expenses through Medicaid here.

It breaks my heart that the Medicaid process is so difficult for those who are already doing their best to care for their children.  Children with disabilities are already segregated from others in life.  Justin is already different because he is in a stroller at the age of five.  He does not get to run around in the back yard with his brothers.  Instead, he sits watching them—laughing with them and enjoying them but wishing so badly he could join them.  My son deserves better.  My son is a human being who is not being given the chance to grow and mature.

As his mother and advocate, I will fight for him to have the best life he can have.  I will fight for him to have the equipment he needs to continue to learn and grow.  I will fight so that he can continue to attend the therapy sessions he needs to learn to care for himself, sit up, use the bathroom, and bathe himself.  I fight knowing my son can do these things, that he has the determination and desire to do these things.  However, he needs more help than my husband and I can provide, and we are asking you to—please—provide him with that support through Medicaid.

Best regards, 

Melissa Foulke

To the representatives of TX

I wanted to share with you what I wrote to have shared with the TX representatives.  I would love feedback.  Thanks!

My name is Melissa Foulke and my husband is Jake.  We have 5 little boys ages 6, 5, 2, and twin 1 year olds.  In August our family moved from the DC area to TX.  In the last 6 years our family has been through a lot.  We have not just had 5 children but we have also endured 3 premies, 7 surgical procedures on our children, 3 rounds of botox in our sons legs to help him walk better and a miscarriage.  I have had 4 surgeries and fought cancer while being pregnant.  My husband has not only maintained his job while all this was going on but he has managed to earn awards, as well as received raises and promotions.  

Today I am writing you about our beautiful little boy Justin.  Justin was born at just 29 weeks.  They do not know why he came early, but he did.  Justin spent the first 47 days of his life in the NICU.  While he was only a few weeks old I was told that he had a brain bleed.  The doctors would do weekly tests to follow the brain bleed.  Only a few days later I sat down with a doctor who told me that Justin had PVL (periventricular Leukomalacia) This brain bleed had lead to his diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy.  I was told that the damage was severe and went all the way from the front of his brain to the back.  I was told that he should walk and talk they just didn't know when.  I was told that they were very concerned about his cognitive abilities.  At 8 months old Justin was diagnosed with CVI (Cortical visual impairment).

Today Justin is 5 years old.  He cannot sit up, stand or walk unassisted.  He cannot change his clothes, brush his teeth or bathe himself.  Justin is however one of the funniest little boys I know.  He loves music.  In fact he literally wakes up singing praise and worship songs every single morning.  His favorite song is Amazing Grace.  Justin is smart, he is a smart alec too.  He is clever, manipulative (I mean that in a good way), kind to his brothers, thoughtful and his smile can make the worst day all better.  Justin is a gift from God.  His nickname is JT.  My husband wanted his middle name to be Tyme - Justin Tyme because he is in God's perfect timing.  

JT uses several pieces of equipment daily.  He uses a special chair to eat.  A special chair to sit and play.  He uses a special needs stroller to ride the bus and get around at school.  We have left his motorized wheel chair at school so he can learn how to operate it safely.  He has a special bath chair and toilet seat.  JT attends 4 private therapy sessions a week as well as hundreds of hours of therapy at school.  While at school he utilizes several services such as PT, OT, speech, and vision assistance.  Justin's teacher said that he is a very smart boy who can learn things quickly but that his CVI is causing him learning delays.  We are hopeful that he will begin to learn braille in the near future to catapult his learning.  

When I first applied for Medicaid Justin was denied.  I applied under the section "person 65 or older OR person with a disability".  When we received the letter saying he was denied it stated he was denied because I didn't include certain documentation.  No where did it say what documentation.  It was written as if it were in code.  ie document 357-l31 was missing.  I thought I had done something incorrect, so I went to the medicaid office and applied again.  There I also added documentation I was told would help.  I then received a call telling me that he would be denied again.  They told me he wasn't in a nursing home so he wasn't eligible.  Then about a week later I got another phone call.  They were calling to tell me to call another office to see if he would be eligible for a waiver.  I called the DADS office.  There, my heart was torn to shreds.  When I inquired about it she told me there was a 6 year wait list.  A 6 year wait list! She then told me that the only way to get around the wait list was if I put my child, my 5 year old son who can't move without assistance, who is smart and knows whats going on, in a nursing home for no less than 30 days.  When I heard this I couldn't help but begin to cry.  You mean to tell me you want me to put my child in a nursing home? I told the woman that I understood it wasn't her fault but that I was appalled and disgusted by this! You are telling me that in order for you to help my child get what he needs to have a functional life you want me to abandon him first?!  It's not going to happen.  So, here we sit, financially strapped as it is, paying over $2000 a month in medical bills and there is no hope for my son to get a new stroller until he is 11 years old!   Justin has had his stroller since he was 2.  We have adjusted it to it's limits.  He is outgrowing the stroller.  What are we going to do?  That stroller was an $8000 stroller that VA medicaid paid for.  We expect his next stroller to be closer to $12000.  How are we suppose to do things as a family?  That's what we are, a family.  We are a family with a son, a brother who has a physical disability.  So, are we never suppose to leave our house? Is my husband suppose to work 3 jobs (which still wouldn't cover the cost) and be an absent father? What kind of family life is that?

Last year alone our family hit 1 million dollars in medical bills.  That does not include our sons therapy bills nor does it include his medical equipment.  Please notice, we did not go on welfare.  We did not need to use food stamps.  We did not file for bankruptcy.  We have excellent health insurance and our son had medicaid.  Insurance will not contribute a dime to our sons equipment.  They consider it to be durable medical equipment.  In their eyes he doesn't need it.  Because it isn't saving his life, just providing him one they won't pay.  This is why we need medicaid.  Yes, to help with the medical bills but more than that, to provide our son with the equipment he needs to have an enjoyable and full life.  Because Justin had medicaid last year in VA we were able to provide him with what he needed without any delay or question.  We continue to pay down medical bills on payment plans, but we are doing it.  I do not feel as though we are asking for too much help.  We are able to provide for our children but we have expenses most families do not.  We need help with those expenses.  

It breaks my heart that you, the government can't see how hard it is to raise a child with disabilities.  They are already segregated from life.  They don't need more segregation.  He is already different because he is in a stroller at the age of 5.  He doesn't get to run around in the back yard with his brothers.  Instead, he sits, watching them, laughing and enjoying them but wishing so badly he could join them.  Why? Why is this process made even more difficult?  Why won't you help those who are doing their best to care for their child? Why are you choosing to only help those who first abandon their child?  Why aren't interviews being done to see who really needs assistance and who doesn't? Why is the wait list 6 years?  My son deserves better.  My son is a human being who isn't being given a chance to grow and mature.  

In January we will have to pull back on his therapy.  We cannot afford it.  There is no way we can pay for $2000 a month.  I do not know what we will do when he finally outgrows his stroller, and he will outgrow it, soon.  

I am his mother, I am his advocate and I will fight for him to have the best life he can have.  I will fight for him to have the equipment he needs to continue to learn and grow.  I will fight so that he can continue to attend all the therapy sessions he needs so that he can learn to care for himself, sit up, use the bathroom, bathe himself.  I fight not blindly, I fight because I know my son can do it.  He has determination and the desire to do these things.  He can do them but he needs help.  He needs more help than my husband and I can provide.  He needs you.  He needs your help.  

Please, help my son.  

Best regards, 

Response from the Governor's office.

This week I received a letter from the Governor's office.  They told me they were sorry about what had happened and would be looking into it.  Yesterday I received a phone call from the head of the department we have been applying to.  He was a very kind gentleman.  He expressed his sympathy and admitted he didn't know what we were going through.  He then told me that the 30 day nursing home stay was a Federal law, not a state of TX law.  I was shocked by that! As we went on to discuss things, he informed me that TX follows federal laws to the T but they do nothing more than that.  They do what they have to do and no more.  He also informed me that he will be looking into other avenues for us on Monday.  There is a "buy in" medicaid program we might be eligable for.  We will see.  It's basically a second insurance.  I told him, it's not the medical bills that are the problem.  We have really great insurance.  The problem is the equipment he needs that costs thousands upon thousands of dollars.  In insurance world it is considered "durable medical equipment" and they will not pay a penny of it.
Justin has had his stroller since he was 2 years old.  He is quickly outgrowing it.  We have adjusted it about as far as it can go.  If we had stayed in VA we would have already requested to get the ball rolling for a new stroller.  Now that we are here, we don't know what to do.  Justin's last stroller was an $8,000 stroller.  Now that he needs a larger one the bill only goes up too.  We can expect his next stroller to cost around 12,000.  I don't know many people with that kind of money sitting around, we certainly do not!
The bottom line is, the wait list is 6 years and there isn't much they can do about it.  I can go to my legislators and try to convince them to put more money into the program.  I can put my son in a nursing home for 30 days (not gonna happen) or I can pray and wait on the Lord.  I do not know what God has in store.  I do know that I am at peace.  That I will continue to call people and fight for my son.  I do know that God is in control and he knows what is going to happen.  I need to trust him, as hard as that is right now.  I need to just trust him.
In the mean time, I have gotten JT on the wretched 6 year wait list.  I have applied for assistance from an organization here that helps you fight this battle.  I have also contacted our lawyer back in VA to see where JT's case is.  Please pray for me to trust, more than I want to.  Pray that I can see where I should be focused and on what I can or should be doing.  Pray, please pray this fund comes through for JT.
I am glad I wrote the Governor's office.  I am thankful they heard me and took me seriously.  I am thankful that the man who called me to explain things to me had a kind heart.  I am thankful for those who are going above their job description to help us.  I am thankful for you and your prayers.

Heart ache and anger

Today has been a tough day for my mommy heart.  Today, I received a phone call from a lovely woman named Renee.  She works for medicaid and called to help guide me.  I am so thankful for her help.  She informed me that JT needed a referral to get approved for medicaid and provided me with the number to the Medicaid waiver office.  I called Tawana.  Tawana was not so kind.  She informed me that their was a 6 year wait list for Justin to receive any services from them.  She then told me that if I wanted to bypass the list I could put JT in a nursing home for no less than 30 days.  I instantly began to cry.  I got SO sad and so angry.  I consider myself a strong person, but this, this broke me.  I began to tell her through my tears that I understood it wasn't her fault but that I was disgusted and appalled at the fact that they would tell me, to get my child help I would first need to abandon him in a nursing home!  I am still so angry about it.  What kind of system is this?!?? I broke down into tears, JT and Caleb both rubbing my shoulder "what's wrong mommy?"  "Are you okay mommy?"  Trying to pull myself together I got JT ready for school.  As we waited for the bus to come I broke down again.  How are we going to pay for his therapy?  Not everyone is as gracious as his therapists in DC.  Not everyone will allow us time to come up with the money.  How will he ever get a new stroller? His stroller right now is an $8,000 stroller! How will he ever get the equipment he needs to continue to grow and strengthen and walk?? We can't afford any of this! I then thought, if we had stayed in VA, we might be living in a tiny little home that hardly holds us but at least JT's needs would be met.
After asking for prayers, which I thank you for I then decided to write the governor.  I wrote him and told him how disgusted I was at this system.  How the state isn't taking care of children with special needs.  (I was much more polite and articulate in my email.)
Every time I look at JT my heart breaks.  We do all we can for him, so many people do.  You can't understand what it's like to have a child with special needs unless you have one.  That may sound harsh but it's true.  You can have sympathy or compassion but you don't know what it's like.  We don't get to go to a park b/c I can't watch C and E and help JT and watch the twins.  I don't have 3 little boys running and playing.  You don't know what it's like to watch him sit, watch and listen to his brothers play and want to be apart of it.  You don't know how challenging it is for us to take the boys out to do anything special.  We want to take E ice skating.  How do we do that?  We can't take JT.  What is he suppose to do? Life with a child with special needs is difficult.  Why do people make it more difficult.  The system should work but it's broken.  It's more broken than my sweet, amazing, kind, loving little man!
When you come across a person who has a child with special needs, you should know that when you have a child with special needs there are times of anger, sadness, joy, delight, happiness, mourning.  It may sound crazy.  How do you mourn a child who is with you.  You mourn milestones.  We delight in him.  He is incredible! He is a blessing! He brings joy to everyone he meets!! I wouldn't trade him for the world, yet still, we look and wonder, what would he be like if he didn't have CP?  Let these people mourn.  They don't need a pick me up, they need a shoulder, a strong shoulder to say "it's okay" "I am here for you".  We don't need a "you are great" or "well, at least he's here." We need people to come along side of us and say "it's okay to be sad and angry right now." "it's oaky to wish your child could sit up by himself."
Moving along... After a few moments I decided to call our lawyer back in VA.  I began to weep a little on the phone with her explaining our situation.  She said she was going to file JTs suit this week.  Please pray that she does.  Please pray that JT gets the VBIF.  (Virginia birth injury fund) If JT gets the fund then they will pay for his every need! We won't have to worry about his therapies, surgeries, procedures, equipment... He is covered and this wretched world of medicaid can go away! They will also backpay for all of the years of therapy and equipment.
I sometimes lose sight of God, of how big he is, of how much he loves us.  I know he loves me, I know JT is a man after his own heart.  Every morning JT wakes up and is literally singing songs of praise!  He teaches me a thing or two more often than I like to admit.  God is going to take care of JT and not in my way or in my timing, much to my chagrin.  God pretty much NEVER does it my way, but I guess that's a good thing.  I am laying this down at his feet.  You are my witnesses and have the right to call me out on it.  If I give it to God, I give it to God.  I will do my part, I will do what I need to do to help JT.  But I will not stress (that's super hard for me!) I will not get angry with those I come across.  I will trust in God and seek his guidance.  (I am having a hard time writing this, guess that means I am doing the right thing.) Pray for me, pray for peace, guidance, peace, love and peace :-) Pray for JT too.  He is really making such incredible progress.  Pray nothing stunts that progress!
Thanks friends!!

a miracle!

Today I spoke with my endocrinologist.  I have been waiting over a week to hear about my blood tests.  Let me back track a minute.  When I went in to see her she did a great job explaining things to me.  As you may remember, she also discussed my weight.  One of the other things she explained to me was that they (I don't know, the powers that be) changed the level of acceptable (insert medical term) as markers of cancer.  Those who were once considered cured were no longer considered cancer free.  They were still fine, just not cancer free and needed to be watched.  The number use to be something like a 3 and now is more like a 1.  My number...... undetectable!  That's how low it was!! .03 She said she has NEVER seen a number this low! She said I am basically 100% cancer free!  How many people ever hear that?  100%!  Not me.  As some of you might know, today is JT's 5th birthday.  I was told there was a 99% chance he wouldn't come for 2 more weeks.  He arrived less than 24 hrs later.  So I don't take 99% to mean much, but 100%, I will take 100%!
As I am sure you can tell, I am Beaming with joy!  I am praising God and thanking him for the miracle and the prayers that have been lifted up on my behalf.
The only numbers that didn't look good were my sugar levels, hence the insane diet, as well as my meds.  My meds are so high I am to skip my meds 3 days a week to get it back down!  So, other than the sugar which I am diligently taking care of my numbers are awesome! My B12, great, vitamin D levels, fantastic.  So, if I can lose this weight, I am actually going to be healthy again.
I keep telling Jake sorry he married a lemon.  Maybe I won't be a lemon anymore, maybe I can redeem myself??
Thank you all so much for praying with and for me, for my family.  I am so incredibly thankful!

Peace in the sadness

I am part of a mommy group on FB.  Today one of the ladies posted that she would appreciate prayers for her sister and her family.  Her sister had a premie and the scans of his brain came back abnormal.  Later in the day the mom of the premie (Laura) posted that her son has PVL.  Most of you might remember that JT's has PVL as well.  My heart sank for her.  It took Jake and I months to learn how to say periventricular Leukomalacia.  Now it simply rolls of our tongues.  PVL is a brain bleed.  The same brain bleed that lead to Justin's CP.  I prayed for Laura, that she would know the peace that passes understanding.  The peace that only God can bring in a time of confusion and sadness.  If you go back to one of my very first blogs you can read about JT's diagnosis and what I went through, but I will tell you know what I told you then, it's as clear as day to me.  Sitting there with the doctors, by myself because Jake had finally gone back to work.  I felt nothing but peace.  I wasn't anxious or sad.  I heard God say to me "It's going to be okay."  I didn't know what that meant, I hoped it meant that JT was going to show the world brain bleed or not he was going to be just fine! And in many ways he has.  Justin will be 5 next week.  As of right now he does not sit up, crawl, walk unassisted, or use the toilet or bathe himself.   However, Justin is one of the most amazing people I have ever come across and I am so blessed to call him my son! What a gift! What a blessing! My kid makes people smile on their worst days.  He makes people see that life isn't that bad.  He makes people laugh.  He loves people and is kind and thoughtful with his words.  He is incredible.  Knowing what a blessing my son is to me, my family and so many others, my heart still broke for this family.  There will be so many doctors appointments to go to.  Oh how I wish this didn't happen to others.  Our life is so hard, so challenging and so exhausting.  We don't get to do many of the things so many other families get to do.  There are weeks, months where I have so many doctors appointments I can hardly see straight.  The bills pile up faster than you can imagine and the stress of caring for a child with challenges is a lot.  Yet, In all of that there is this peace.  A peace that lets you know, it's okay.  Its going to be okay.  I am so thankful for that peace.  It brings me joy and it allows me to see all of who Justin is.  My prayers for Laura are the same as the prayers I pray for myself.  To know that peace daily but especially in the darkest hours.
If you have time pray for Laura and her husband, their child (first born, not sure if it's a boy or girl) and their son in the NICU.  Pray for their strength and peace.  Pray the PVL does now worsen in any way.  

My health

I know many of you saw my posts on Facebook yesterday stating that it's time to lose weight or die.  From that I received several messages, texts... checking in on me.  First, thank you.  Second, I am not going to die tomorrow, but if I don't get my weight under control it is going to lead to more health problems.  So here is the deal.  Yesterday I saw a new endocrinologist.  I chose her because she specializes in me! What I mean is that her expertise is my thyroid issues exactly.  When we first met she was asking me questions that I had no idea how to answer.  She drew pictures to explain things to me, something that has never been done before.  She explained how my body works, in regards to my thyroid.  She was also very blunt and told me I must lose 40lbs ASAP.
What she told me was that my thyroid disease (not the cancer) is an autoimmune disorder.  It is a genetic thing.  She said they travel in pairs and if my white blood cells were attacking my thyroid then there is most likely another part of my body under attack too.  Question is, where? She also said that my medication is 2x what it should be.  Why?  I have no idea, it's never been mentioned to me.  I have never been told to lose weight (but let me state, I know that I need to.  I am not blind to that! Let me also state that although it's nice to hear you look good or you don't need to lose that much weight, I would rather hear encouraging words to help me reach my goal instead of feel good words.)
 She said that my weight could be causing my liver not to properly process my medication so my numbers are off.  The thing is, my doctor in DC never question that.  He just followed the numbers and upped the meds.  I felt like I was in good hands and trusted him. I still think he is a good doctor, I just wish I knew to ask more questions.  I have learned to advocate for my kids but not for myself yet.  I never ask enough questions.  When it comes to doctors I just sit and listen and trust.  Anyway, she also said that she believes I have Celiac disease.  So, as of today, I am on a gluten free and a sugar free diet for a minimum of 6 weeks, maybe longer.  When I say sugar free, I mean all sugar, even natural sugar.  So, no fruit, no honey in my tea, no coffee creamer in my coffee, which lets be real, no coffee.  I feel good about this.  It was time to lose the weight and to stop making excuses.  After E I lost all my baby weight.  After JT I had 3 knee surgeries, a miscarriage, then I had Caleb.  Then dealing with JT and his therapy, E was in school.... then I got pregnant with the twins, got diagnosed with cancer, had the twins, had the cancer removed and here I sit.  Although I feel they are slightly valid excuses, they are excuses non the less.  My field hockey coach in high school was a retired marine, his saying "Excuses are like assholes, everyone's got em and they all stink!"  And yes, those were his exact words.  Point is, he was right.  It's time to stop putting this painful diet aside and get to it.  So here I go.  Thank you for your prayers and support.  Remember, I am fine, I am just trying to get even better!!!

Prayers for JT

Yesterday my sweet little boy passed out on the sofa about 1 minute after he got home from school.  He was exhausted.  I don't usually let him nap because if he does then he won't sleep at night.  But, this time, he just looked so sweet and so tired, so I let him sleep for about 40 minutes.  When I went over to gaze at his sweet beauty I noticed that his lips had no color.  I have seen this before in the mornings when he has woken up but I thought it was because he wasn't feeling well.  When he ate the color would come back.  This time the color came back once I had woken him up.  I am concerned that he isn't getting enough oxygen when he sleeps.  I just left a voicemail for the neurologist.  We didn't have a very good first appointment with this office so I am hoping they get back to me today! I am hoping they take this serious and prioritize it.  Right now we are assuming a sleep study will be ordered (yay in sarcasm). My prayer is that we can resolve whatever is going on without the use of a sleep machine.  I don't want him hooked up to a machine all night, he will hate that too.  Please, please pray there is an easy answer and an easy solution.  My sweet boy has been through so much and he is such a fighter.  We are so truly blessed that he has never had a seizure and our prayers are that he will never have one.  But this breaks my heart and scares me too, the colorless lips, it's scary.  Anyway, pray for him, for us, for the doctor and his staff to take our call and message seriously.  Pray for protection of his brain and organs.  

My sweetly sleeping angel, what a beautiful blessing he is!

professional student, and my kids are the teachers

Every day I feel like I am learning more and more.  As a teacher and as a parent my goal is to help my children become life long learners.  To love to learn, to be engaged in learning, curious, growing, strengthening their minds and bodies.  I may not be the life long learner I once was.  I can't remember the last time I actually sat down to read a book.  This is as close as I get to writing much of anything.  But now my learning comes from my children.  I know that we all learn from our children but what I also know is that my children are all so unique.  I would be failing them if I didn't let them teach me about them.  Sounds crazy, I am sure.  But what I am also sure of is that God made them to be who they are.  He gave me the gift of raising them.  They are not mine forever, they are his.  They are a gift that I have been given to mold and guide, but he made them.
Ethan is a 6 year old genius.  I say that literally.  He is one of the smartest people I think I have ever known.  With that comes learning about who he is and how he ticks.  He is not like me, he is more like Jake.  He is very serious, sensitive, focused, scatterbrained, creative, and has a wild imagination.  He can learn things before you can, and never forget them.  He can follow the directions for a puzzle or a lego one time and never need to use the picture or directions EVER again! He can build things from memory.  He can have melt downs at the drop of a hat for what seems like no reason at all.  He can frustrate everyone in the house in a matter of seconds and he can read with tone, punctuation, and joy. He loves his little brothers! LOVES them!
I don't actually give this kid enough credit in life.  He is not the norm yet he is expected to act and behave like the norm.  He receives little grace and his life is spent by those around him (including Jake and I from time to time) trying to conform him to someone he is not.  Trying to take away his joy because of responsibilities the world has set before him.  He is 6! When did a 6 year old become and adult? When did a 6 year old need to have so much responsibility?  Why are we doing this to our children.  Be honest, if you could go back and be a kid again, wouldn't you want to? The daily grind, the struggles of work, little time to relax and play.  Why are we as a society depriving our children of these precious and oh so short years?
I have spent the last month really learning about homeschooling.  How would I ever do it with all the little ones home? Do they all need to be homeschooled? What is best for one isn't always best for another.  How am I going to balance life, doctors, therapy...? Ethan is teaching me daily.  He is showing me the parent I am vs the parent I long to be.  Yes, I believe in responsibility and chores, and being a family working together.  But I also believe that each one of my children is unique, different and should be treated as such.  Don't get me wrong, the others are teaching me too, but it's Ethan who is making me intrigued again.  Eager to learn and to grow.  Eager to learn about who he is and what would help him succeed most in life.
Having young children I hear "it's not fair" way too frequently, but no, life is not fair.  If it were we would all have drones for children.  Instead, I have a brilliant child who tests me to my core daily; a child with special needs who lights up the room with his smile and who loves the Lord with all of his being; a 2 year old whom I pray doesn't kill himself jumping off the roof of a house or go car surfing or any other crazy stunt he is likely to pull; twins who in their own right are so very different.  Life would be easy, life would make sense.  Life is not fair and to be honest, I don't want it to be.  My kids might push me to my limits some days, okay most days but I am a life long learner because of them.  I am here to do my best, to love them and to pray for them.  I am here to help them be who God made them to be.  I am here to learn!

Dylan's kidney's

I got a phone call at 8:30am to make an appointment with the nephrologist for Dylan.  The woman on the phone said they had an availability at 9am today.  So, with Jake home, I called my neighbor to see if she could watch Caleb.  She graciously said yes and we loaded Jt and the twins in the car for the doctor.  (we took JT too b/c he had an apt at 10:30 and we weren't sure we would have time to come home between apts) We arrived and the doctor was wonderful.  It turns out that Dylan has no cysts at all!!!! NONE! Instead, Dylan has hydronephrosis.  Long story short, it is not life threatening and at this point we do not need to be overly concerned.  It turns out he could have reflux of the kidneys, or bladder, or both.  Anyway, part of the track that leads from the kidney to the bladder might not be working right, causing urine to go back up towards the kidney.  We are on alert for UTI's at this point.  If he gets a UTI at any point he will have to have a nasty little procedure, one the doctor doesn't want to put him through unless she has to.  If we can keep him healthy, he has a great possibility of outgrowing this.  How awesome is that!! She was delighted to give us the news too.
So, the prayers for the next 6 months (that's when his next sonogram will be) is that he continues to be healthy and have no UTI's.  I think for now, we will take it 6 months at a time.  It could be years but for now, 6 months of prayers are greatly appreciated! Thank you so so much for your prayers.  I feel so blessed and thankful.
In other prayers, pray this medicaid stuff works out quickly and properly this time!

lemons, lemons and more lemons

I am naturally an optimist, thank the good Lord for that! This past week has been a rough one and seem to only be getting worse.  Last week I told you that Dylan was having his kidney's examined.  After calling the doctors office for days trying to get the results, a nurse finally told me that the doctor says he really needs to be followed by a nephrologist.  Then she used some big term, he has (gibberish doctor terminology) kidneys.  Okay, what does that mean?!? hello?  Anyone want to help me out here? No, great, thanks for the referral to another doctor.  I just want to scream! Just when I think life might be settling down, things are going well BAM! I get knocked down again.
In more bad news, we got a lovely denial letter for JT from medicaid.  I have spent the last hour and a half on the phone with medicaid only for them to tell me to reapply and wait another 30-45 days! Isn't there a faster way? Can't we do anything else? No? Super, thanks!
Sorry, I am an optimistic person, really I am.  I am just at my end.  I am also an extrovert who is homebound in a new state with no friends.  I am trapped inside my house because I can't get an aide for JT until we get medicaid.  I can't go anywhere with all 4 boys by myself unless I have to (therapy and doctors appointments, no where fun, it's just too much and too chaotic!) and the afternoons are reserved for the 3 littles to take a nap.  I know I am venting here and I am sorry, but hey, life just likes to throw me a lemon tree and all I want is a tree shredder! Forget lemonade, it's overrated! (lol)
Okay, so let's try to focus on the positive..... I can't I am too frustrated and angry and overwhelmed! So, you focus on the positive for me and pray that I see it soon.  I am sitting here with tears sliding every so slightly down my cheeks.  I don't like to cry, I feel weak, but in this moment, I am weak! I need help! I need God to show himself to me! I need him to love me and to tell me he cares, because right now I am at my limit.  I serve a big God with big plans for my kids and for me.

Lord, help me to listen closely, to follow you when I want to run away screaming.

The impact you make on other is real

The other day I got the news that my youth pastor has stage 1 non smokers lung cancer.  He is still a youth pastor in NOVA.  He was getting ready to take a 3 month sabbatical, (trust me, time well earned) to ride his motorcycle and visit his kids.  Before he was to leave he got the news.  A week of tests and such, things I know all to well, were done and he has surgery in a few days.  My heart rejoiced at the fact that they found it so early, knowing how it feels to get the good news that it hasn't spread and that it was caught early.
I guess I am here to say that this is a man who has dealt with some great kids and some really tough kids.  Jim is a guy who never judged anyone! Not even the worst of the worst.  Instead, he encouraged, loved and mostly called you out when you needed to be called out.  His love was tough but it was real.  Every teen that has been loved and challenged by Jim knows he cares.  I doubt Jim knows how many lives he has changed.  When I was in high school first going to the youth group with Jim, he would call me "the swimmer" because he couldn't remember my name.  Over the years he taught me to read my bible, study God's word, put God and others before myself.  In college, I slipped away from all of that.  I still had my faith, but it was on the back burner, the way back burner.  My point is that the foundation Jim helped me build in the Lord is what eventually brought me back.  Back to a real, true and trusted relationship with God.  There is no way I could have made it through all I have been through without my relationship with God.  I would have crumbled and broken long ago.  But here I stand, strong in my faith, strong in my hope, knowing God is bigger! I attribute all of that to the foundation Jim helped me build.  We all have an opportunity to impact others, are you taking the opportunities you are being given to help mold people, or are you walking away?  I hope I am taking the opportunities put before me.  I hope I can make a difference in lives, in my children's lives, in the lives of friends, family, those who work with JT.  Jim has impacted my life in such a way that I am a different person.  I am thankful that he took God's calling and has put himself out there to love and cherish so many kids.
My prayer is that you all will join me in praying for Jim.  For praising God the cancer was found early, that it hasn't spread.  Pray for his surgery and recover, pray he is gifted with the peace that passes all understanding.  Pray for his wife, for her peace, for her comfort.

Dylan and his Kidney's

Last week I took Logan and Dylan to the hospital so Dylan could have another scan of his kidneys.  Back home my pediatrician would call me asap to give me news, here, I haven't heard a thing yet! I  am kind of frustrated, sad, and still prayerful.  To my untrained eye I think I could still see several cysts, so they aren't gone.  The prayer is simply that the kidneys continue to grow and the cysts do not grow at all.  I can attest, his kidney function is looking good, if you know what I mean (wink wink).  He is happy, healthy, gaining weight and dirtying diapers regularly!  So, for now, I have no news.  I am just here to ask that you continue to pray for him.  When I know I will do my best to update you all quickly.

Reflection

I have spent the last few weeks really thinking about this past year.  Tomorrow my tiny little miracles turn 1! Tomorrow marks one of the scariest and worst days in my life.  As I look back I can remember everything like it was yesterday.  I remember calling Jake and telling him to come home from work just after he walked in the doors for the morning.  I remember crying in the car on the way to the hospital.  I remember sobbing as I put on my gown crying saying "They can't come! It's too early!!" I remember the nurse looking at me with compassion and saying "we are going to do everything we can to keep them from coming." I remember the doctor coming and saying "they are coming and you need an emergency C-section right now.  It's going to get busy in here and a lot of people are going to be in and out preparing you for this.  We are going to move as quickly as we can." I remember looking at Jake who had as much fear and sadness in his eyes as I was expressing through sobs.  I remember saying to him "I can't do this again." I remember Jake's phone ringing in the midst of everything and Jake hanging up frustrated b/c family members were calling to complain that Jake made a post on Facebook, a plea for prayers instead of calling them and telling them.  I remember being wheeled down the hall and them beginning without Jake there.  I remember him coming in.  I remember the hours of dizziness and nausea that followed.  (Those hours I wish I could forget but I guess they are part of the story) I remember Jake excitedly saying "honey look! you can see one of the babies, look over there! He's breathing, they are working on him." I remember the EMT's wheeling the babies in my recovery room so I could look at them just once before they were transported to another hospital.  I remember I sent them away b/c I couldn't stop vomiting long enough to see them.  I remember my pastor and two friends who also worked at the church coming to visit us.  I remember vomiting the entire time they were there and apologizing  because I couldn't make it stop.  I remember a nurse coming in at hour 9 and telling me they have never seen anyone throw up this much and are very concerned about me.  I remember an injection in my thigh that made it all stop.  I remember making Jake go to Fairfax Hospital to visit the twins on that first night.  How torn he must have felt, wanting to be with me and wanting to visit our little babies.  I remember the visitors and the phone calls.  I remember it all.
As I look past that terrifying day, I can recall the long tough days at the NICU.  Wanting to hold them, but knowing their tiny little bodies just couldn't handle that.  Everyday as we change and bathe Logan and see his scars, I remember that the leads would burn his little sensitive skin because he still needed so much more time in my belly to toughen that skin up.  I look at Dylan and praise God that he is still alive and with us.  Recalling that his kidney's shut down due to the formula they gave him.  I think about how I chose to have my thyroid removed due to cancer just a week after I had recovered from the c-section.  Looking back, I think that is one of the best decisions Jake and I made.  Knowing the twins were in safe and good hands still in the NICU, allowing me time to recover at home and call in for updates.  I remember bringing my precious babies home just before Christmas, when they were actually due.
I have taken these last few weeks to look back and to thank God for all He did for us this past year.  As I sit here typing, fighting back the tears, knowing that my God is bigger than anything! Knowing that He has a plan.  Notice, I say as I look back.  I also remember the days and nights I spent sobbing, cursing God.  Asking him what I did wrong and why he hated me so much.  Why he gave me such intense struggles.  Why did he ever think I could handle these things.  Why did he allow so much to go wrong in one short year.  Now, as I sit here on the end of that very long year I can see so much of his hand, his glory, his might, his miraculous hand.  I can see his love and his provision.
This year has been a year full of intense struggles and immense blessings.  We have seen the love of God through so many people. Through meals, childcare, hugs, phone calls, notes, visits... it goes on and on.  He does love us and he is there for us.  I am often blinded by pain and sadness.  Let's face it, I am no Job.  I feel like I have so much more to share but I think the reflection of this one day is more than enough.  Happy birthday to Logan and Dylan.  My 26 week little miracles who today are thriving!

God's provision

I was up last night thinking about all of the concerns I have had about moving to Texas.  As I told many of you before we left, "If God is taking us to TX then he is going to take care of us in TX." I really had no idea how true those words would be. If I were to list out my greatest concerns and how God has provided this is what it would look like.

1. An aide for JT - Our neighbors daughter is interested and going to help us when we get ready.
2. Someone I can call to watch the kids in an emergency - my neighbor has come over, sent some of her older kids over to watch sleeping babies so I can do school runs.  She even watched all 5 so Jake and I could go to closing!
3. Pediatrician (we left the BEST pediatrician ever!) I managed to find a doctors office at a medical center who understand and care for other patients with special needs.  They also provided me with recommendations for therapist, doctors....
4. Not knowing anyone - My friend Christina is only 20min from my house AND she and her family turned their world upside down and graciously allowed us to stay with them an entire week!  That and my neighbors are amazing.  Just met another one today who invited me to a bible study.  Not sure I can do it b/c I have to be home to get JT to school.  We will see.

I am not saying Jake and I came with excitement or that we answered the Lord willingly.  We fought at every turn.  But, when God wants what's best for you he manages to get his way in order to provide.  Once we finally said ok, every need was met.  Every day (although I am still sad and miss home) I know more and more we are suppose to be here.  God brought us to TX and God has done nothing but provide.  Now, pray he provides us with a second car! That would be amazing!!

been waiting for wifi to fill you in!

Ok, so I have been waiting almost a week to share more of our amazing journey with you.  The owners graciously agreed to let us rent beginning last Sunday.  We went to church in the morning with our friends and then headed straight to the house.  The owners couldn't be more lovely and kind.  We arrived to a fridge full of water and fruit, as well as a welcome note and several gift cards to help us with our transition.  What a gift! I mean, really, the generosity has simply astounded me.
The house is amazing! Everything we hoped and more.  When the owners told us we were getting the best neighbors ever, I initially thought about all of the wonderful neighbors we have had in the past.  But after about 2 days it was clear, we really do have the best neighbors ever! Judy is the our neighbor and mom of 10.  She and 4 of her children knocked on the door slightly after 5:30pm on our first night here, with an incredible dinner and two folding tables and enough chairs for everyone! Ethan kept calling it Thanksgiving dinner.  It was delicious and fed us for a few nights.  Her children were all so kind and thoughtful.  She is certainly someone I hope to learn a lot of life lessons from.
The week was busy, getting the boys registered for school and having some meetings for JT to get him into the program.  He still isn't on the bus but things should get a bit easier when he gets bused.
Its also been a bit tough because we still only have 1 car.  Right now I drive E to school, then come home, load all of the kids in the car, drive Jake to work, come home, play, load the kids in the car, drop JT off at school, home, lunch, naps, wake most of the boys to go pick JT up from school, wait for E to get out of school, home, snack, play, load the kids in the car to go and pick Jake up from work, home, dinner, bath, bed! Needless to say, I am looking forward to the bus which will eliminate two of my trips and a second car which will take care of the rest. HA! FREEDOM! So, when someone asks me "what do you do all day" and tells me how bored I must get I will just refer them to this blog! Oh and my awesome neighbor said she would start bringing E home when JT gets the bus so the babies can stay and sleep.
This week we had a meeting for JT.  The meeting was fine and everything went well.  I am really only telling you this because get this... we talked about church! Yeah! On school property, in a meeting... no one was fired, shot or bludgeoned to death either! AWESOME!
Yesterday was closing and Judy offered to watch all 5 of our boys while Jake and I went to closing.  What a blessing that was! We are hoping her daughter Jackie will work with us for JT once we get medicaid.  She was home and helped and I heard they had a great time! Ethan is a BIG fan of their youngest daughter who is in 2nd grade.  One day after school (we arrived home at the same time) they jumped out of the cars and ran over and hugged each other.  I see a wonderful friendship blooming here!

One last thing I wanted to share and maybe encourage you to do.  Since we have been in TX (and yes, this has only happened in TX) people take a look at our crew and instead of the look of shock we normally get, or the all too often "wow! you really have your hands full" or the "I don't know how you do it" with a tone of you must be nuts in there.  Now we are getting "wow, you are 5 times blessed."  That has been said to us a few times now and it got me thinking.  I know my hands are full, I am very well aware that some days are simply survival days.  I look like it too.  But why I like this so much is because when I am having a down day and my hands really are so fully I am wondering which kid to donate it reminds me that I really am blessed.  So incredibly blessed! I am 5 times blessed.  Yes, my hands are full and yes some days I want to run away screaming but when someone reminds me of my blessings it lifts my spirits.  When I am having a tough day and someone says I have my hands full it allows me to have a pity party or to moan and groan.  When I am having a tough day and someone tells me I am 5 times blessed it lifts my spirits.  There is no room to complain.  How to you complain or moan when you are reminded of all God has given you.  So, I encourage you, when you see someone with their hands full, tell them how blessed they are.

There is more I want to share but my wheels are turning and this is getting long.  Now that we have internet I will try to update you more regularly.

Praise: we got 1 pod, it's empty and most of it is put where it belongs.
            One of our neighbors son's came to help us unload the pod!
            We are truly happy and so blessed.
Pray: Our second pod comes early on Tuesday.
         That JT gets on the bus schedule quickly
          That we can find a cheap and reliable car quickly
         For my Sunday.  Sunday is the toughest day of the week for me here.  I have cried each week missing MPC.  Pray we find a church home quickly.  (We are going to church with our neighbors this week.)

Surprises of Texas

We have been in San Antonio about a week now and I can say that I have found several things surprising.  They are silly things but I thought it would be fun to share our findings.
1 - Things really are bigger in Tx.  It's not just a saying, everything here is ridiculously huge, especially the grocery store!
2 - There is no such thing as scenic driving.  You are either in a neighborhood or on a highway.  I think it'll take me a while to get use to that.  To help my MOCO family and friends relate, it's like driving on rockville pike everywhere you go at 70 miles an hour!
3 - People actually drive slower than the speed limit here.
4 - There are very few southern or country accents.
5 - The trees! okay, so not that they have trees, but E and I find it funny that their "pine trees" are like pencils.  Ethan's response to our giggle today was "well, different states, different vegetation. Right mommy?"  (this kid!)
6 - The weather.  Sounds crazy, yes it's hot and to those who said it wasn't humid I will simply call you LIARS! The mornings are gloomy, it always looks like rain, but nope, little to no rain at all.  Today was 107 but there was a huge "breeze" if that's what you can call it so it wasn't too terrible.  ( I CANNOT believe I just said that, not to terrible at 107!)
7 - The school sizes! The buildings look big but the classrooms and class sizes are tiny! (I am comparing then to FCPS) I think E has about 15 - 20 kids in his classroom but the room size is tiny.  Room for desks and a morning meeting, that's about it.

I guess that's it for now.  As for the family update, we are doing well.  Still staying/living with friends who promise us they will still be our friends even after we leave! We have been with them a week and the kids are all going bonkers... so are Christina and I! No, they are great, gracious, kind, helpful, and haven't made us feel badly even once for staying so long.  They are a true blessing to us and to our boys.
We did get good news today, the owners have agreed to let us rent.  Now if we can get in this weekend before school starts that would be fabulous!  Sadly, it doesn't look like JT will be able to start school on time.  They require an "ARD" meeting.  Basically a pre IEP meeting before they will allow him to begin.  The teacher told me today I should hear from someone tomorrow in regards to the ARD and starting school.
Jake is enjoying work, getting to know the building a little better each day.  Tomorrow we are going to go and have lunch with him and hope to have the boys go down the slide. Should be a fun day! As for me, I am just trying to keep my head above water while I get the boys started in school, find doctors, take boys to doctors appointments....
I have had my moments of sadness, missing people mostly.  This week JT was listening, singing, and dancing to his special song that he and his dearly loved PT Jill sang.  I just started crying, remembering the joy she brought him.  He would do anything for her, he worked so hard and loved doing it.  I can only hope and pray we can find someone as awesome to fill her shoes!

Prayers: keep Logan in your prayers.  He has had some respiratory issues since before we left.  We just can't seem to get it to stop for more than 1 day.  If it's still going on on M. I will take him to the doctor.  As for me, fairly certain I have just battled 6 days of strep with no meds.  It didn't occur to me until yesterday that that's probably what I have but with all the chaos, not knowing where I am and not having a doctor I just fought through it.  So you can pray for me and my health :-D
Lastly, pray for Ethan.  He is having the toughest time being here.  He is not excited about school.  He was very "shy" today while meeting his teacher. I have never seen him like this before.  I know part of it was an act, but I am sure that part of it was really how he is feeling.  Pray he finds a good buddy on the first day of school.  Everyone knew the boys because "we are the family that just moved here from Virginia."

Thanks for the prayers.  The Lord really is with us.  It is going to take me a while to adjust, I am fully aware of that, it's tough but it's good.  I think things will get a little better once we get settled in our house.

God's mighty hand at work!

Yesterday the owners of the house were having a yard sale.  After much debate Jake and I decided to go over and see if there was anything we might like.  I say great debate because we didn't want to be pushy or overbearing.  When we got there Jake took Caleb to check out some things.  He saw a sofa we might like so he sent me over to check it out.  I told him he needed to come with me because if we decided to get the sofa we would need to introduce ourselves and ask if they would leave it in the house or garage.

When we introduced ourselves they said they thought we might stop by.  The reason they didn't want us to walk through the house was b/c it was a bit of a mess.  I said I have 5 kids and no mess is too much for me.  They invited us in to take a look and the owner offered to watch the twins and JT who were in the car.  (E was off on a playdate) Let me just say, I know many of you have seen the pictures, this house is even more beautiful!  Jake and I are so excited! Plenty of room for our crew to move and grow.  

As we spent time speaking with the couple who sold us the house we saw God moving more and more.  They very graciously began a "getting started" pile for us.  Dish soap, sponges, paper towels, toilet paper.... the little things that are so necessary.  She had also mentioned that she had been reading our blog and knew all about our wild and crazy life.  She also mentioned that she use to work for the county special needs program and would gladly help me make sure JT has what he needs.  That is the biggest, most amazing part for us.  Moving to TX was always a bit nerve wracking because we needed to make sure JT and his needs were met.  Knowing that I have someone I can go to for advice or help is nothing short of a gift from God.  

As we were leaving she asked if she could give me a hug, and it was a hug I needed! Seems strange to accept a hug from a stranger, but not in this case.  This was the most wonderful hug I could have received.  We said our goodbyes and thank you's for allowing us to see the house and headed to the car.  As we were getting ready to leave she waved us down.  The neighbor was home and she wanted to introduce us.  Our new neighbor is AMAZING! She has 10, yes 10 kids!  5 boys and 5 girls!  Two of the girls will be in school with E and JT. As I was mentioning the logistics of picking E up from school and making sure I was home to get JT off the bus she instantly offered to help me by bringing E home daily or help in whatever way she could.  

Jake and I know that staying in NOVA last year was what God had planned for us, but we also know without any doubts that being here in TX is what God has planned for us now.  His provisions and blessings are abundant and overwhelming.  I will not lie, Jake and I had more than our fair share of hard hearts this year.   Wondering where God was, wondering what He was doing, had he forgotten about us?  Although we knew He loved us (deep down anyway) we struggled a great deal trying to find him and see him and his plan.  Know that we see his plan we are excited and thankful.  The struggles of this past year have paved the way for where we are now.  

Prayerfully, we can have a less stressful, less eventful year.  In our world, boring would be AWESOME!  

Please pray for us this week as we go to the elementary school to get E and JT registered.  Pray we are able to have JT's IEP meeting quickly.  Pray we are able to line up all of the doctors JT needs (neurology, physiatrist, Ophthamologist, Orthopedist, OT, PT, hippo therapy, and a pediatrician and dentist for all the boys) Pray for Jake as he begins his new job.  Lastly, pray that we will be able to rent the house before school starts so the boys have a bit of an easier transition.  Oh, one more, pray our stuff arrives sooner than they anticipate.    

Here are some pics of the boys on our travels: