Today I received an email from out attorney asking me to call her ASAP! I called Jake at work, he was in a meeting. I then called our attorney. I could tell by the way she said my name, but I wasn't going to guess. JT GOT THE FUND! My heart is STILL pounding in my chest! The fund has 10 days to render it's verdict but they almost never deny when the case is as strong as ours is.
The lawyer sent us the documentation of their verdict. For the first time, I began to read through the case work. Up until now Jake has been reading and replying. It was simply too much for me emotionally. It would have taken me weeks to read through it all. I just can't read through it without being heart broken. Today I began to read. I burst into tears. There is so much I never knew, not really anyway. The first page talks about JT's respiratory distress, I knew of it but not how bad it was. I knew a lot of things, but NICU doctors and nurses don't tell you a lot b/c they don't want you to panic. I remember after delivery, Jake and I went down to the NICU to visit JT. We weren't allowed in. He was having a terrible time. Nurses and doctors were rushing in, curtains were closed, doors were shut. We sat out in that hallway, waiting to see him, praying for him, knowing it wasn't going well. Nurses would hurry in and out, smiling a little each time, trying to relieve our concern, bless them. Reading this documentation is reliving it all. The contractions at 25 weeks, 29 weeks, being sent home, the delivery, loss of heart beat, rapid breathing and so much more.
My heart is overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with joy and with sorrow.
I give God all praise and glory. I thank him for taking care of JT. When I was in the NICU a doctor sat down with me to tell me about his brain bleed. I sat there listening, I heard God say to me "He is going to be okay." I have NEVER worried about JT! I know that he is in God's hands! I knew that I didn't know if that meant he would be perfectly fine or if that meant that God was going to take care of him. Now I know that God meant he was going to care for him, provide for him, love him and give him incredible gifts! I praise God that JT is in fact "okay". He is more than okay. He is bright, funny, loving, caring, considerate, and so much more. His love and memory of music is astounding! My little boy may never really walk, but life is so much more than walking.
Praise God today with me friends! Praise him and know that he keeps his word.
Here is a link to JT's song. This is the song I heard EVERY single day while driving to or from the NICU to see him. I heard it again on the radio today. Enjoy it. I sing it to JT a lot! "Be strong in the Lord and never give up hope, you're gonna do great things, I already know! God's got his hand on you, so don't live life in fear. Forgive and forget but don't forget why you're here. Take your time and pray, thank God for each day, his love will find a way...."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PphW6KI6VI
