Today started as a fun family day. The boys were up extra early so we decided to take them all up to Starbucks to get us some coffee and get them a sweet treat for breakfast. We then headed home so JT could catch his bus to school. Jake played in the yard with the boys all morning; it was a beautiful perfect morning. We then took E to a very dear friend's house who offered to watch him all day due to my numerous doctor apts today. I cannot tell you how she blesses us!!! Anyway, off to the surgeon we went. We met the doctor and he was lovely. He took his time to talk to us, answer questions, ask me questions... he gave me a real peace about waiting and he really did an excellent job about answering my questions and concerns. So, Jake and I feel more than confident in waiting until after the babies are born. Oh yes, did I say babies?? That is the other half of our day... Before I tell the story, yes, we are expecting #4 and #5 in December! TWINS!!
Today I had a Dr's apt to try a new Dr. out after our previous practice left our network. This practice is one several of my friends go to and like. So we figured why not. We went in and they did a sonogram to see what the due date was... Immediately Jake and I began to cock our heads sideways... are we seeing what we think we are seeing. I mean this isn't our first rodeo! We have had a few sonograms before ya know. Suddenly the girl turns to us and says "well, I am not sure if you know this already or not, but you are having twins." Jake and I just start cracking up! You see, last week I woke up from a very vivid dream. I told Jake I thought we were having twins. I had a dream that I saw two babies on the sonogram and I really thought we were having twins. I guess dreams do come true! Thankfully, both babies have good strong heart beats, they are both growing well and looking good.
I keep laughing because so many people are "shocked" well guess what, so are we! We were planning and hoping for #4. And #5 is coming as a complete surprise! I guess God knew I was serious about not having anymore pregnancies. I guess he was also serious about us having 5 kids.
Fraternal twins does run in my family. In fact, my cousins and I would always joke about who was going to be the one in our generation to have the twins. I WIN!!!!
We are delighted, in shock and I am sure as time goes on the "oh crap" will set in. But for now, rejoice with us! It's crazy, but clearly we need more crazy in our lives. God has plans for us and I truly believe he never gives us more than we can handle in him. Trust me, we aren't going to make it through life with 5 without him. Guess he is just keeping us close, adjusting our story for his glory. The more God uses our lives for his glory, the better our lives are. Maybe not on the outside, you might see a mental breakdown or two, but we are strong in Him, through Him and for Him!!
Never say God doesn't have a sense of humor!!!! :-)
Hooray for twins!!!! And Merry Christmas!
Friday, May 31, 2013
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Still here, still waiting
So this Friday Jake and I will meet with the surgeon for the first time. I am looking forward to getting some more answers as far as what to expect, timing... things like that. I am finding myself in an odd situation. For those of you who know me it won't come as a surprise that I am a go getter. I don't wait around for much once I have made up my mind. In fact, God and I frequently have power struggles. He says wait and I say why? I often go and try to do things in my timing instead of his. Needless to say, doesn't always work out for me. For example, if I had done it my way, we would have been in GA months ago! Clearly not God's plan!!! I find it ironic though that there are times when God does give me a choice. Choice in timing, direction... I also find it ironic that this seems to be one of those times. I don't want to make a choice here, I want God to give me an answer. I want him to tell me when to have the surgery, give me a date even. I don't want to make the choice b/c I don't want to mess up! What if I do it my way and screw up? What if I pick the wrong time and something happens to me or to the baby or to the boys?? What if, what if, what if! My prayer has been and will continue to be that God gives us clear direction. Jake seems to have some clear thoughts but I don't! I hate that! I hate that I feel clueless, indecisive, lost in decision making world. So, Friday at 11am we will meet with the surgeon. We will ask our questions and prayerfully get some answers. And, I will continue to pray and to ask God for a clear direction, timing and guidance. I will continue to ask for the ability to let go and to trust Him and his plan for me. I clearly hate waiting and this situation is no different. Waiting for answers, waiting for surgery... waiting.... it's going to teach me something but why must it take so darn long :-) lol
Pray for me friends. Pray I find peace in waiting. Pray I find strength in waiting and pray I find wisdom in waiting.
Thanks! I will let you know how Friday goes.
Pray for me friends. Pray I find peace in waiting. Pray I find strength in waiting and pray I find wisdom in waiting.
Thanks! I will let you know how Friday goes.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Did that just happen??
After receiving my diagnosis Jake and I felt that due to Dr's and mostly our church family we needed to stay in the area. This was a HUGE blow to me since I was the one kind of pushing to get us to leave the area. Although it would make me sad to leave I just felt it was what we should do to keep our heads above water with a growing family. But, clearly, God had other plans. God wants us here, at least for the time being. With the decision to stay here we began praying about housing. We live in a fabulous townhouse with amazing neighbors but with Justin's special needs equipment (wheelchair we are still waiting for) and my recovery we really felt like we needed to move. How would we ever find a place that would fit our growing needs? How would we ever find a place in our budget?? We love where we live, we love our neighbors.... Do we stay here and just do our best??
Today all those questions were answered. Today I received and email from a dear friend. They live just a few miles away in my dream neighborhood I might mention. The email asked us if we wanted to rent their house. After asking a few questions it became clear that THAT is where we are suppose to be! The rent will save us tons of money so prayerfully we can buy our own home in the next few years. The house has a beautiful, large, flat backyard where the boys including JT in his walker can go out and play freely! Its on a cul de sac! It's in a beautiful neighborhood with a fabulous elementary school... and we can move in this summer. It also is a split foyer which means that JT can remain mostly on one level and move freely through the main level. To say that God orchestrated all of this is an understatement. I thanked our friends and they kept saying that they wanted to rent the house and our family kept coming to their hearts. What a gift! What a blessing!! We can stay near our friends and family. Continue to attend the church we love so dearly. JT will get to change schools without me being "that mom" which is another blessing entirely! E will attend a fabulous school.... I just can't get over it!
I was instantly reminded of Matthew 6:25-34
Today all those questions were answered. Today I received and email from a dear friend. They live just a few miles away in my dream neighborhood I might mention. The email asked us if we wanted to rent their house. After asking a few questions it became clear that THAT is where we are suppose to be! The rent will save us tons of money so prayerfully we can buy our own home in the next few years. The house has a beautiful, large, flat backyard where the boys including JT in his walker can go out and play freely! Its on a cul de sac! It's in a beautiful neighborhood with a fabulous elementary school... and we can move in this summer. It also is a split foyer which means that JT can remain mostly on one level and move freely through the main level. To say that God orchestrated all of this is an understatement. I thanked our friends and they kept saying that they wanted to rent the house and our family kept coming to their hearts. What a gift! What a blessing!! We can stay near our friends and family. Continue to attend the church we love so dearly. JT will get to change schools without me being "that mom" which is another blessing entirely! E will attend a fabulous school.... I just can't get over it!
I was instantly reminded of Matthew 6:25-34
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I was also reminded of Jeremiah 29:11
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I was also reminded of Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
We are more precious than the birds of the air and the flowers in the fields! We are more loved, more cared for, more cherished.
God continues to bless us, amaze us and fill our hearts with love, joy and peace. Today we have been given a gift we could have never imagined. Today we want you to know that God cares! He cares about us, He cares about you!! He is in control and there is no place I would rather be.
All praise, glory and honor to our Lord and Savior for his provisions and grace!!
Thursday, May 9, 2013
results
On Tuesday Jake and I headed out at 6:30am for my second "diagnostic" appointment. This was to have a sonogram of all the lymph nodes in my neck. To say it was uncomfortable was a bit of an understatement, plus, add some morning sickness to it and it was a blast! (ugh) The results were good. My lymph nodes are incredibly large which actually has nothing to do with the cancer and everything to do with my under active thyroid. This explains why I can't stand things touching my neck. But the radiologist came in, took a look at a few "questionable" nodes and said it wasn't anything other than really large nodes. So for now looks like my little bit of cancer hasn't spread! Next up, I will meet with a potential surgeon to discuss what happens next. My endocrinologist recommended getting it all done now so when the baby arrives it's one less thing on our plate. Sounded good to me! Plus if I do decide to have the surgery in the second trimester I will be ready and able to do that too. I think that is our biggest prayer request right now. I just need wisdom and guidance. Jake wants me to wait until the baby arrives. I don't disagree but when you have something in your body that isn't suppose to be there you just kinda want to get it out ya know. Due to Justin being a premie waiting probably is best and it's most likely what we will do. I just can't shake this "get this thing out of me" feeling. So pray for me, for peace and truly for God's perfect timing.
On another note, I want you all to know that emotionally I am doing well. God has granted me peace through all of this and it is incredible peace. I know there are people out there who think I am in denial, I am not sad enough, angry enough, bitter enough.... I have never been that way. Where does that get me? Will those feelings grant me peace? Will they bring me joy? Will they allow me to appreciate all I have? I don't think so. Those feelings are not the feelings God wants to bless me with. Instead I find my strength in Him. I find my joy through Him. I find my peace in Him. No, I am not happy. Yes, I have cried. But that is done and my children, my husband and my family need me. I don't stop being a mom b/c I am sick. I don't get to stop being a mom b/c I am pregnant and at this point that is a whole lot harder than the cancer. Morning sickness... BAH! All day sickness. Point is, I am not in denial, I am at peace and don't ask me to give that up, because I won't. It's a gift from God I cherish daily. So, keep praying for us, keep lifting us up and know that I am in the best hands I can be in. My creator and my redeemer.
On another note, I want you all to know that emotionally I am doing well. God has granted me peace through all of this and it is incredible peace. I know there are people out there who think I am in denial, I am not sad enough, angry enough, bitter enough.... I have never been that way. Where does that get me? Will those feelings grant me peace? Will they bring me joy? Will they allow me to appreciate all I have? I don't think so. Those feelings are not the feelings God wants to bless me with. Instead I find my strength in Him. I find my joy through Him. I find my peace in Him. No, I am not happy. Yes, I have cried. But that is done and my children, my husband and my family need me. I don't stop being a mom b/c I am sick. I don't get to stop being a mom b/c I am pregnant and at this point that is a whole lot harder than the cancer. Morning sickness... BAH! All day sickness. Point is, I am not in denial, I am at peace and don't ask me to give that up, because I won't. It's a gift from God I cherish daily. So, keep praying for us, keep lifting us up and know that I am in the best hands I can be in. My creator and my redeemer.
Monday, May 6, 2013
the calming chaos
Sounds strange doesn't it, the calming chaos. But that is what I am finding these days. In the chaos of life I am finding the most peace. This past week was a true whirlwind. The diagnosis of cancer, Ethan's emergency allergy appointment where he walked away with 6 prescriptions and 2 inhalers. Ethan's 5th birthday, his party, my birthday, the March of Dimes.... But in all this running around I am at peace. I am more than at peace, I have been SO happy this week! Clearly not with the cancer diagnosis... but with life. I am so blessed. I am finding that the business of the month and the chaos of my life these days is a blessing from God. I find that in the moments when it's too quiet my mind begins to wonder. The bible clearly tells us in Matthew 6:27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? I am thankful that I learned that verse at a young age and that it has carried me through so much of life's struggles. No, I don't always remember it and if you were to ask Jake he might tell you I worry too much. But I can say that I hold true to this verse and know that although I may worry, it isn't of God. He wants me to trust in him, rest in him, have faith in him. Not always easy to do, but its a goal to work towards.
I have to pause and laugh, this blog post has taken me all day to write b/c when I started I got 3 phone calls a knock at the door and the computer battery was almost dead. Then I got 4 more phone calls, had to get Caleb and JT's lunch ready, feed them, get E from school... Now here I am once again sitting down to finish, I think. lol
Tomorrow I will go in for more testing. I will have sonograms of my lymph nodes around my thyroid. Prayerfully everything will come back looking normal. If it's normal looking then the chances of the cancer having spread as of now is slim. If there is any malformations then the cancer may have spread already. So clearly, the prayer is for a clean look, and for normal looking lymph nodes. Once we have this information in hand we can better decide when to do the surgery. If you would pray for that decision as well. It's not an easy one to make. Having cancer in your body, growing, isn't exactly an easy burden to carry. But having a child growing and developing is my job to do all I can for this gift. So pray for God to make clear the path for us to take. Is waiting to have it removed okay, is it best for me, the baby, the boys, Jake...
For now friends, I find my peace in chaos and for that gift I am thankful. Praise God for a funny little gift of chaos!
Till next time. Thank you :-)
I have to pause and laugh, this blog post has taken me all day to write b/c when I started I got 3 phone calls a knock at the door and the computer battery was almost dead. Then I got 4 more phone calls, had to get Caleb and JT's lunch ready, feed them, get E from school... Now here I am once again sitting down to finish, I think. lol
Tomorrow I will go in for more testing. I will have sonograms of my lymph nodes around my thyroid. Prayerfully everything will come back looking normal. If it's normal looking then the chances of the cancer having spread as of now is slim. If there is any malformations then the cancer may have spread already. So clearly, the prayer is for a clean look, and for normal looking lymph nodes. Once we have this information in hand we can better decide when to do the surgery. If you would pray for that decision as well. It's not an easy one to make. Having cancer in your body, growing, isn't exactly an easy burden to carry. But having a child growing and developing is my job to do all I can for this gift. So pray for God to make clear the path for us to take. Is waiting to have it removed okay, is it best for me, the baby, the boys, Jake...
For now friends, I find my peace in chaos and for that gift I am thankful. Praise God for a funny little gift of chaos!
Till next time. Thank you :-)
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