two peas in a pod but each their own

I might have had two peas in a pod and they might be close to identical in weight, length, head size... but man are they doing different things.  Dylan continues to do very well.  His feeds are slowly going up, his O2 is going down... for the most part he is holding steady with perhaps a slight incline.  Logan on the other hand is a hot mess!  In just the time we were there today his heart rate dropped drastically 3 or 4 times.  Now, Jake and I have some experience with this (they are called brady cardias) because JT use to love to have them frequently.  Logan however needed a lot of stimulation to get himself back on track.  Granted he did do it himself as in no need for further medical treatment but it was not fast.  Logan had a platelet transfusion last night and his platelet count is up! yay! Today he had a sonogram of his heart.  They think an artery that is in babies in the womb but needs to go away once born is still open and causing some problems.  The cardiologist hadn't read the results yet so I am hopeful I will hear something tomorrow.  Last night they also collected a urine sample from Logan to test for a virus.  It is possible his troubles stem from an infection and if that is the case they will treat it with antibiotics.  Truth be told, I am praying for an infection.  If it's an infection and they can treat it with antibiotics its just one less thing that could be wrong.  Logan also had a second blood transfusion today to I will see how that went tomorrow.  I am hoping and praying that like Dylan the blood transfusion kinda kicks him into high gear and helps him to the point where he can start helping himself.
So our prayers are simple, please pray that Logan has no bleeds in his body.  Pray there are other reasons behind why he is struggling so much.  Pray the transfusions help strengthen him and give him what he needs to fight on.
We still have yet to hold either of the boys and I don't expect to for at least another week or more.  But I am looking forward to it.


This is Logan.  He has really dark hair and more of an oblong face like JT and Jake.

This is Dylan.  He has the lightest hair out of all of my boys.  Maybe I did get one blonde baby?!? His face seems to be a little more like Ethan and Caleb.

Meeting Logan and Dylan

After I spent 3 days recovering in the hospital I was itching to get out and see all 5 of my boys.  When I was discharged I headed to the NICU to see the boys.  I still couldn't really see their faces because of the equipment, wires, sunglasses for the lights... things like that.  But I held their hands and got to talk to them a little.  Oh, I forgot to say, Logan weighed 2lbs and Dylan weighed 1lb 15oz.  As of today they are both around 1lb.
I have thankfully been to the NICU every day I have been out of the hospital.  We have so much to be thankful for.  Dylan is doing so very well! His brain scan came back negative (clean), the blood transfusion he had seemed to help him a great deal.  He is on a continuous feed (a tube into his stomach) He looks great too.  Still on O2 and CPAP but really low settings.  All gifts.
Logan is having a little bit of a harder time. I will say that his brain scan also came back negative!  Praying both boys get a clean scan again in another week.  Logan's platelets are low which means there could possibly be a bleed somewhere in his body.  I am asking for prayers against that!  His skin is dry and very sensitive. He has lost more weight than Dylan, is still on the lights, antibiotics... He's just struggling a bit more. The nurses are telling us he is about a day behind Dylan.  I am praying that is the case.

The boys are both in such great care.  For 26 weeks they are doing well.  It's always a bit of a roller coaster.  You think they have made it past something and then you go back and they are back on.  It happens and we are prepared for it.  Doesn't make it any less sad when they are on machines they were off of but the care is amazing and we are thankful for that.

A little side story:  A year ago Jake and I were talking seriously about moving to GA.  He could go and stay with his company and we could afford to live.  The Lord kept us here in every way.  He opened doors we never could have imagined.  We are in a house with very few stairs vs a townhouse with a ton of stairs.  We are paying less in rent, Ethan and JT are both in fabulous schools with incredible teachers and the greatest gift of all, our church!  Our church has once again surrounded us, is caring for us in ways we never would have ever thought of.  They are providing meals daily, rides to the NICU once Jake goes back to work, extra help around the house daily, organizing people to help us with yard work and grocery shopping.  If we had moved to GA we would have been all alone.  God kept us here b/c He knew what we would need.  I am always slightly ashamed at myself when I get upset at God for not giving me what I want and then find out why.  He wanted to take care of us!  He wanted to be there for us and to make sure we had his arms wrapped around us.  We do.  We do because he closed and opened and closed doors to keep us here.  Keep us with our church family.  And they are family!
So all praise and glory goes to God.  I don't know why the twins had to come early.  I wish they had stayed longer.  I wish they were safe inside me, but God has plans.  And when He clearly knows what he's doing I will do my best to step aside and wait.  I will do my best to be more than okay with the way things go.  I will do my best to praise Him in the storm.

PS - side note, my thyroid surgery has been moved up to November 7th so that I can recover and be home and healed when the twins get discharged.  So, once we are all home from the hospital I hope it stays that way... FOREVER! ;-)

The beginning

Having not updated since the boys have been born I decided to answer the question I get most, "what happened?"
Monday morning we woke up around 7am, got up felt fine, began breakfast for the boys.  E wasn't going to sick that day because he was sick Sunday night and JT had hippo therapy about an hour away.  I had decided to take all three boys to the barns so JT could ride.  Around 8am I started to just not feel so good.  It wasn't contractions like my other 3, it didn't feel like contractions at all!  I just didn't feel good.  So Jake loaded the boys in the car and when Janet (Jt's aid) joined us she and I talked and she said to stay home.  So, Jake unloaded the boys and headed to work and I headed down to the basement to lay down and drink some water.  Then it hit... it was contractions and they got bad fast! I called Jake and told him to come home immediately.  Due to our wonderful city and rush hour it took him about 45 min to get home.  We went straight to the hospital.  The contractions were faster and harder but I thought, "We are going early, I am on top of this, we are going to go and stop them and I am going to be on strict bed rest either at the hospital or at home, but it's going to stop."  We got to the hospital, the doctor checked me and I was fully dilated! She said she would check the positions of the babies and we would go from there but they were coming today.  I started crying, balling really.  NO!  This can't happen again!  I can't do this again!  I was devastated, angry at God, scared, sad.... Then the doctor says we are going for an emergency C section.  The crying was even harder then.  Everyone was trying to calm me down while call all of the staff needed to get me into surgery as quickly as possible.  I have to say the doctors and staff at the hospital were great.  Comforting and in control.  I felt safe, a feeling I didn't really have when I delivered JT.  They had Jake come in just before the doctor opened me up.
As I lay on the table I could hear the doctors talking, not to me, to each other, like I wasn't even there.  It was strange.  I could hear them saying the boys were wrapped around each other.  I even heard the doctor say she had never seen anything like this before.  Usually babies get wrapped up in each other like this when they share a sack, mine were in different sacks.  She had a few struggles getting them out because of how they were intertwined.  But out they came.  Jake stood up to see the boys across the room, lovingly asked if I wanted a picture of my insides.... ummmm, no thanks, I'll pass.  ;-) I got to see the boys as they wheeled them out past me.
Now to back track a little.  The entire time I was under anesthesia I had terrible reactions.  I went from needing to vomit (while they were taking the babies), to light headed enough to pass out, to vomit... it went on and on.  Worst part was I couldn't move to vomit.  I had to lay on my back and turn my head and try to get it out that way.  I went to recovery where I continued that pattern for the next 9 hours I think. I threw up violently for a few minutes and then would try to rest and fall asleep hoping it would pass.  It never passed.  I was light headed the entire time too.  My blood pressure was a mess, I was a mess!   The last two hours I spent mostly nauseous with a little vomit.
The transfer teams brought the boys into my recovery room before they transferred them to another hospital.  I sat up to see Logan, touched his sweet hand and then began tossing my cookies so terribly I asked them to just take him.  When they brought Dylan in I was so sick I couldn't even see him.  I tried to stop throwing up and sit up to see him but I just couldn't.  It broke my heart.  I didn't even really get to see his face.
After the boys left I was moved to my room.  Jake had headed home to help get the boys fed and to bed.  I had a few family visitors that night and Jake came back to stay with me on those oh so comfortable pull out chair beds... he's such a trooper.  And that my friends is the beginning!