results

On Tuesday Jake and I headed out at 6:30am for my second "diagnostic" appointment.  This was to have a sonogram of all the lymph nodes in my neck.  To say it was uncomfortable was a bit of an understatement, plus, add some morning sickness to it and it was a blast!  (ugh)  The results were good. My lymph nodes are incredibly large which actually has nothing to do with the cancer and everything to do with my under active thyroid.  This explains why I can't stand things touching my neck.  But the radiologist came in, took a look at a few "questionable" nodes and said it wasn't anything other than really large nodes.  So for now looks like my little bit of cancer hasn't spread!  Next up, I will meet with a potential surgeon to discuss what happens next.  My endocrinologist recommended getting it all done now so when the baby arrives it's one less thing on our plate.  Sounded good to me!  Plus if I do decide to have the surgery in the second trimester I will be ready and able to do that too.  I think that is our biggest prayer request right now.  I just need wisdom and guidance.  Jake wants me to wait until the baby arrives.  I don't disagree but when you have something in your body that isn't suppose to be there you just kinda want to get it out ya know.  Due to Justin being a premie waiting probably is best and it's most likely what we will do.  I just can't shake this "get this thing out of me" feeling.  So pray for me, for peace and truly for God's perfect timing.

On another note, I want you all to know that emotionally I am doing well.  God has granted me peace through all of this and it is incredible peace.  I know there are people out there who think I am in denial, I am not sad enough, angry enough, bitter enough.... I have never been that way.  Where does that get me? Will those feelings grant me peace?  Will they bring me joy?  Will they allow me to appreciate all I have?  I don't think so.  Those feelings are not the feelings God wants to bless me with.  Instead I find my strength in Him.  I find my joy through Him.  I find my peace in Him.  No, I am not happy.  Yes, I have cried.  But that is done and my children, my husband and my family need me.  I don't stop being a mom b/c I am sick.  I don't get to stop being a mom b/c I am pregnant and at this point that is a whole lot harder than the cancer.  Morning sickness... BAH!  All day sickness.  Point is, I am not in denial, I am at peace and don't ask me to give that up, because I won't.  It's a gift from God I cherish daily.  So, keep praying for us, keep lifting us up and know that I am in the best hands I can be in.  My creator and my redeemer.