JT 1 year later!

It has almost been one year since I went to the hospital with contractions and had JT. It has been a year full of blessings, questions, confusion prayers and a year full of God. JT is going to be 1 on Thursday. He is not sitting up or crawling and he is having difficulty eating solid foods. This is all due to his Cerebral Palsy. Even though he is facing these challenges he is a beautiful happy little boy who loves to watch his brother play and who loves to talk! His smile can brighten up a room in an instant.
Recently I had a few swift kicks in the gut. This past week I was talking to JT's physical therapist about things that are going on as we discussed his need for special needs equipment. Next week we will meet with the specialist who will help us pick out and order the equipment JT needs. We will be getting a special stroller and high chair. Today I was sent some links to what the equipment looked like. My breath was taken from me! My heart sank, tears welled in my eyes. Having a special needs child is strange. You think you know things and you come to realize you know nothing! The equipment is overwhelming both physically as well as emotionally. I am sharing this information as well as I would like to b/c I am still dealing with it myself. I am not sure how to approach God on this other than to say "help me Lord!" I am at a loss. I am emotionally drained. I am sad! I had such hopes that he would be just fine! I had hopes that he would shock everyone and he would show them they are wrong. Instead, God continues to use Justin to work on me and on who I am in Him. It is very humbling.
So, that was the first kick. The second was that Justin's physical therapist began to talk to me about braces for his legs. Now that I have seen the equipment I think my mindset has changed. Originally I was thinking, "the doctors say his legs are fine, he won't need them." As we discussed it further, it turns out that over 90% of CP children begin their life in leg braces. That took my breath away as well. Now after seeing the equipment JT needs, instead of thinking, "my poor baby", I am thinking thank God and thinking "they think he will walk!"
In both of these instances my heart has stopped beating, I have lost my breath and I teared up. BUT, in both of these instances God has helped my heart beat again. He has given me my next breath and He has comforted my while my tears have welled. My God is a loving God and while I struggle with this. As Jake and I struggle with this He continues to give us joy in all things. He tells us "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
JT has a future. We have a future. God is with us. He has blessed JT with Ethan. Ethan is an amazing big brother. He loves JT so much. The other day I smiled with utter joy when Ethan said "JT, you come play cars with me?" Then I sadly had to tell Ethan that JT can watch Ethan play cars. Thankfully Ethan was okay with that, but as JT laid on the floor, Ethan took over a car to him and gave it to him to play with. Mommy was wrong, thankfully wrong, JT COULD play with Ethan and his cars!

If you think of it and have time please keep us in your prayers. Pray that God would guide us. Pray that God would bring us peace and comfort as we learn how to be the parents of a child with growing needs. Pray that God would bless us with a support system that we can lean on. People who know what we are going through. Praise God for our boys, for the love they have for each other. Praise God for being our rock!

Many blessings to you
Melissa