I am naturally an optimist, thank the good Lord for that! This past week has been a rough one and seem to only be getting worse. Last week I told you that Dylan was having his kidney's examined. After calling the doctors office for days trying to get the results, a nurse finally told me that the doctor says he really needs to be followed by a nephrologist. Then she used some big term, he has (gibberish doctor terminology) kidneys. Okay, what does that mean?!? hello? Anyone want to help me out here? No, great, thanks for the referral to another doctor. I just want to scream! Just when I think life might be settling down, things are going well BAM! I get knocked down again.
In more bad news, we got a lovely denial letter for JT from medicaid. I have spent the last hour and a half on the phone with medicaid only for them to tell me to reapply and wait another 30-45 days! Isn't there a faster way? Can't we do anything else? No? Super, thanks!
Sorry, I am an optimistic person, really I am. I am just at my end. I am also an extrovert who is homebound in a new state with no friends. I am trapped inside my house because I can't get an aide for JT until we get medicaid. I can't go anywhere with all 4 boys by myself unless I have to (therapy and doctors appointments, no where fun, it's just too much and too chaotic!) and the afternoons are reserved for the 3 littles to take a nap. I know I am venting here and I am sorry, but hey, life just likes to throw me a lemon tree and all I want is a tree shredder! Forget lemonade, it's overrated! (lol)
Okay, so let's try to focus on the positive..... I can't I am too frustrated and angry and overwhelmed! So, you focus on the positive for me and pray that I see it soon. I am sitting here with tears sliding every so slightly down my cheeks. I don't like to cry, I feel weak, but in this moment, I am weak! I need help! I need God to show himself to me! I need him to love me and to tell me he cares, because right now I am at my limit. I serve a big God with big plans for my kids and for me.
Lord, help me to listen closely, to follow you when I want to run away screaming.
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