This year seems to be a big birthday year for me. As many of you know, after the twins were born I weighed a ton! I was about 197 and very unhappy with myself. As 2015 began, I struggled a lot emotionally with the struggles life was throwing at us. I had nightmares of dying, leaving my kids behind because I was overweight and unhealthy. Then I realized, this year, I turn 37. Why is 37 a big year for me? My brother Rick passed away at 37 of a heart attack. His two darling children found him and had to call 911. Rick and I were not close when I was younger, but we were on our way to rebuilding a relationship. The last time I heard Rick's voice was exactly one week before he died, it was my birthday. He called to wish me a happy birthday. I saved that message for years. I didn't know at the time how to save it forever, I wish I had.
I received a phone call from Jon at about 1am telling me Rick had died. I think my heart may have stopped beating in that moment. I couldn't breathe. Rick was not the healthiest of men. He drank, smoked, didn't workout and didn't have the healthiest of diets. Sadly, Rick was getting it together! He was trying. He had gotten a nice house and a good job. Rick was trying. I looked at my life and realized, I wasn't trying. I didn't want to die and leave my kids because of my health or lack there of. When we moved to Texas I saw a new endocrinologist. She boldly told me that I was at risk for... heart attack (they run in my family. Both my grandfathers and now my brother died much too young from heart attacks), a stroke (they also run in my family. My Grandmerene had several strokes) Diabetes, which to be honest, I think I may have actually had at the time because my weight was so high. My doctor told me to lose 40lbs! The realization of turning 37, a big year for me because of my brother Rick, and the realization that I was literally setting myself up for more health issues was enough to send me over the edge! The right edge though. I jumped to it. In 8 weeks I lost 20 lbs! I began my diet, and daily exercise. Monday I am going to start a new journey. I still have about 15lbs to go and I am looking to drop a few more pant sizes. Monday I will work my way towards being an online fitness coach. I love fitness, I use to call myself an ex-athlete, now I can say I am an athlete again. I am proud of who I am again. I like me. I am looking forward to this new journey, and although I had to lose my brother to be here I am thankful for the life he lived and I am thankful for the death he died. Jesus has saved my soul. I will one day see my brother again in Heaven. I will get to run to him and hug him and tell him how much I missed him. I will get to say thank you. In his death, he may have saved my life. 37 is a big year for me. I am thankful I am married to a supportive loving husband. I am thankful for those God has placed in my life. I am thankful for my brother Rick. (on a side note, Rick's death also saved my little brother. Jon was once obese and is now a 2 time ironman! All because he saw the tragedy in Rick's death and didn't want to travel that road either. Knowing heart issues are big in our family, it's something we need to be aware of.)
Death is always hard to handle. It's hard to say goodbye, to not see them anymore, to know they had so much more life to live. I think we can honor those who have died by allowing their death to help guide us and mold us. This year, I honor my brother Rick, he died much too young, but I will live my life better because of him.
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