I believe that I have a great relationship with the Lord. When I am angry, I tell him. When I am happy, I tell him and thank him and praise him. When I am hurt, specifically by him, I tell him. God can handle anything I throw at him. Last year, after the twins and while dealing with cancer, God and I had many middle of the night twins screaming, me crying and asking God why he hated me moments. I asked what did I do wrong, why do you hate me? Why has all this crap happened to me. I am not this strong, I don't want to be this strong! Now, on the other side of that dreadful year I can see his hand so much more clearly.
Earlier this week I posted about the meeting with the lawyer and neurologist. I filled you in on how I am choosing to trust God because I have heard him tell me not to worry. I have heard him say "I've got this." Today, Jake and I were talking money, its a daily conversation in our world. Ethan needs clothes, twins need clothes, boys need shoes, I need clothes after losing 25lbs. Justin's equipment needs, therapy bills (past and present) He still needs botox... the list goes on and on. But, today I said to Jake "I refuse to be an Israelite..." You see, when Jake and I first got married our goal was to read the bible in a year. We still haven't succeeded, but that's not the point. The point is that the book of Leviticus is a hard book to read. Jake and I would sit there and get SO annoyed at the stupid Israelites. I am not kidding! They were such whiners! All they did was complain. God would answer their complaint with a gift and then they would find something else to complain about or better yet, they forgot about the gift from God all together. It was infuriating. It was infuriating until I realized I am so much like that! How quickly I forget the good gifts, the blessings, the grace and mercy. How quickly do I turn and get angry that I didn't get my way. How spoiled am I?!
I continued talking to Jake saying that God has told me he is going to provide this equipment and I am choosing to trust in him. He has been faithful, he has provided our EVERY need since being in TX. He has blessed us beyond what we could imagine!
Because I believe in allowing people their blessings in Heaven I will not share details. I want this to be anonymous and I want them to receive the full blessing of God. In short, Jake and I have the money to buy Jt's wheelchair! Tomorrow we will pay for the wheelchair! Tomorrow has enough worry of it's own, today, today we will rejoice and we with thank God for the kindness and generosity of people. Today we will ask the Lord to bless them as they have blessed us.
Tomorrow is the lawyers meeting which we would still love prayers for. Tomorrow is also JT's IEP meeting. We would love prayers for wisdom for that too. Next year JT goes into Kindergarten. Pray we make the best choices to give Justin the best Kindergarten year he can have.
Today and tomorrow, we will praise God!
The lord has placed Joshua 1:5 on my heart today. "...Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
Even when I was angry with God, he did not flee from me! What a great, loving merciful and mighty God I get to serve!!
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