Things are never how they are suppose to be

I often find myself shocked at how my plans don't come to be. I cannot count how many times I have made plans and God has laughed at me as a Father laughs at his child. Not in a mean way, but in a sweet loving way of "those are great plans but mine are better"  I see the same kinds of things in my boys.  I LOVE hearing their BIG plans for the day. I giggle in delight as they go out to build a functional ironman suit or Thors hammer out of wood.   Isn't if funny that I can see the wonder and delight but also the reality of it all at the same time.  It's easy for me to tell them to let go, go with the flow, it's okay for plans to not go exactly as you want them to or as you think they will. But when it comes to me, well, I am shocked! I had it all planned out in my head, I was prepared! I knew what might happen, I knew what would happen, yet still, here I sit shocked that none of my "plans" or better expectations have been met.
I was dreading this surgery. I had hopes that he would sleep all day Monday. I planned for the pain to be more on Tuesday but still, okay. NOT THE CASE! As you know, we had a rough night. I was in no way expecting him to throw up from 1pm - 3am. Today as the epidural gets turned off and he can, for the first time feel the pain I find myself expecting it but still surprised by it. Tears are flowing down his face as he cries "it hurts, I'm not kidding." His feet are swelling, his eyes are swelling too. The fluids are going in but not really coming out so well.
- LONG BREAK -
Ok, I started this about 3 hours ago.  I had to go Justin as he started having muscle spasms which caused him immense pain. Jake and I held his hands as he screamed "It really hurts! Why won't anyone help me." Gut wrenching is one way of putting it. In an attempt to help calm him and bring him peace I started reading prayers people have posted on FB to him. It's amazing how strong I can be until those moments. I just want to sob when I read them.  Sob tears of gratitude knowing that God IS good, he IS with us he DOES LOVE us and Justin more than we could ever fathom. The prayers "didn't help" in Justin's words, but I know they did. He had to calm down to breathe and hear the words, that alone helped.

The nurse today has been a gift! Joelle.  Thank God for her and her heart and her work for her patients. She contacted the doctors, got JT back on the epidural, and pushed all the pain meds and muscle relaxers and nerve medications she could.

Funny story - every night we try to share "God sightings" at the dinner table. It can be anything from a beautiful sunrise to a friend helping someone, a kind word... Here is my God sighting today.  JT's ortho is at another office on Tuesdays but she has other Orthopedists checking in.  If the new doctor (resident) hadn't gotten lost in the hospital on his way to remove JT's epidural he would have taken it out hours ago and they wouldn't have been able to restart it.  Since starting the epidural about 40 minutes ago JT has stopped screaming and is much more comfortable. That's my God sighting - the doctor got lost allowing JT to keep the epidural that brings his little body pain relief!

For now we are continuing to pray for pain relief. Praise the Lord, breakfast stayed down and he is looking forward to lunch.  Now we pray for pain.  I know the pain all too well, I remember the pain all too well.  It is one I would never ever want to relive let alone have my child go through.